Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
