he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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