Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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