I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
