you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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