Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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