i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
