Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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