the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
