So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
