'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
being pregnant is like rehab
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
