I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
