so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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