i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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