Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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