It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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