my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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