I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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