i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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