So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
