It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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