I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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