I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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