I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
