The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
