And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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