I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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