So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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