We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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