i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
