Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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