I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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