dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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