Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
