Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
