chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
