i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
