3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to make out with him forever
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
