Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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