take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
