Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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