I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
