I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
farters have to be the big spoon...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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