my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
