I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
