this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
