Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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