Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
