he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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