cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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