I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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